Can You Be Positively Rude? How To Shift The Dynamics
You can be “positively rude” to stake your claim and own your power.
Throughout history, very few women have avoided the rudeness label for speaking up and speaking her mind on important issues.
“Throughout history, very few women have avoided the rudeness label for speaking up and speaking her mind on important issues. #genderbias #strongwomen”
Complicating the gender bias, often race is brought in so a woman seeking change is called an Angry Black Woman, Feisty Latina, Big Personality, Uppity or rude. It is a way to quash fairness and silence anyone working to move herself or the organization forward.
The pushback often for being a doer and shaker as a woman of color is quick, detrimental to advancement and intended as demeaning. Having an opinion is a bad thing, and she should just be quiet. Or lose her promotion possibilities or even her job.
In June, Marilyn Booker, formerly Morgan Stanley’s global head of diversity, sued the company “and her former boss, Barry Krouk, the chief administrative officer for the wealth management division, for racial discrimination and retaliation. She believes she was fired because she pushed too hard to get senior executives in that division to embrace her plan to restructure a program for training black financial advisers. She thought the restructuring would help more recruits succeed,” reports the New York Times.
“You can be “positively rude” to stake your claim and own your power. #leadershipadvice #workplace #women”
Recently, the Guardian reports, “Google employees have sent a letter to senior leadership demanding that the company reinstate and apologize to Timnit Gebru, a prominent Black researcher who said she was fired after criticizing the company’s diversity efforts. Gebru’s departure in early December has sparked outrage among Google staff and the industry at large.”
In her bestselling book, The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know To Secure A Seat At The Table, author Minda Harts writes, “Women of color are always told not to rock the boat at work, especially when you are the only one. If rocking the boat means standing up for yourself, rock the hell out of the boat! ‘Don’t rock the boat,’ is one of the worst pieces of advice, but it keeps getting passed down. If you don’t prioritize your self-worth in the workplace, then you can’t expect anyone else to.”
“In her bestselling book, The Memo: What Women of Color Need to Know To Secure A Seat At The Table, author @MindaHarts writes, “If rocking the boat means standing up for yourself, rock the hell out of the boat!” ”
Register here for a Power To Change Conversation event with Minda Harts 1/12
This is the good, positive brand of what has been labelled rude that demonstrates necessary boldness that can create effective change. This is absolutely not any form of disrespect, verbal assault or personal attack on any individual that is akin to incivility.
In her new book, Rude: Stop Being Nice and Start Being Bold, British journalist and author Rebecca Reid projects that “positive rudeness” of being respectfully bold to accomplish purpose is different from the outrageous acts of belittlement and bias that no reasonable person aspires to commit. No one is advocating to be unkind, uncivil, mean or discourteous. It’s about being fair, seeking equity and saying so.
“In her new book, Rude: Stop Being Nice and Start Being Bold, British journalist and author @RebeccaCNReid projects that #women should engage in “positive rudeness” of being respectfully #bold to accomplish purpose. ”
“Positive rudeness is about judging that your wants and needs are at least as important as everyone else’s and then act accordingly,” Reid writes.
She’s had some experience with the label assigned to women who stick up for themselves. These are the behaviors that are called rude and are lambasted in women but applauded and called assertive in men.
“Reid told CTV's Your Morning on Monday that the internet had previously dubbed her ‘Rude Rebecca’ after she put her finger to her mouth and shushed a comedian who wouldn't let her speak during a TV interview on Piers Morgan's show ‘Good Morning Britain,’" reports CTV News.
The rude label for a woman is at times a response to a biased and discriminatory workplace culture that is genderized and racialized in hierarchy and treatment.
“The rude label for a woman is at times a response to a #biased and discriminatory #workplaceculture that is genderized and racialized in hierarchy and treatment. #genderbias”
A 2019 study from researchers at Michigan State and University at Albany examined “workplace incivility, marginalization, and socialization” as experienced by “41 women who self-identified as being in the early stages of careers in male-dominated workplaces.”
They reported six categories of marginalization including micro and macro-aggressions and dismissive communications. One person reported repeatedly being called “little lady.”
Elizabeth Dorrance Hall writes about the study in Psychology Today: “When women did things that were seen as outside of their traditional gender roles such as taking initiative, seeking promotions, or acting assertively, they faced backlash and discouragement in more and less explicit ways. For example, one woman was told by her boss that women who work their way up the career ladder are never happy and could never balance a family, indicating she should just stay put and be happy where she is.”
This is where, Reid asserts, positive rudeness comes in.
“Introducing the power of rude into your work life is easier said than done. Any noticeable change in your behavior is likely to confuse those around you,” Reid writes.
Read more in Take The Lead on incivility at work
But it can begin with asserting that people call you by your real name, the one you prefer, not some shortened version that is more convenient and inaccurate. Then stop apologizing. Eliminate “sorry” from your conversations—except of course when you have done something wrong.
Excessively cheery emails (with exclamation points!) are in another category of behavior to eliminate. “We email like Office Barbie for fear of being seen as rude, and so it becomes expected that we will do so,” Reid writes.
“Use positive rudeness as #power by asserting that people call you by your real name, the one you prefer. Then stop apologizing. Eliminate “sorry” from your conversations—except when you have done something wrong. #women #workplace”
Just as there is a wrong way to do something, there is also the right way to be rude, Reid writes, particularly at work. That includes being forthright about gender pay parity, inclusion, fairness, diversity, discrimination and bias. And even how individuals communicate with each other in tone, style and approach.
“There is a right way to be rude, @RebeccaCNReid writes, particularly at work. That includes being forthright about #gender pay #parity, inclusion, fairness, diversity, discrimination and bias. #women #workplaceculture ”
Read more in Take The Lead on a drama-free workplace
“Ask about pay grades, and encourage clarity surrounding how much everyone is earning. If you find out that you’re being paid much less, don’t give a second thought to asking for a raise,” Reid writes.
Seeing rude as powerful for women is not so new. Nineteenth century novelist and poet Letitia Elizabeth Landon wrote, “To be rude is as good as being clever.”
“Seeing rude as #powerful for #women is not so new. Nineteenth century novelist and poet Letitia Elizabeth Landon wrote, “To be rude is as good as being clever.” #leadershipadvice”
Redi would agree. “Rudeness, I realize is a talent. And rather than shying away from it, I’m going to turn it into my own personal superpower.”
