Respecting All Ages: Honor The Wisdom To Know The Differences and Similarities

By Nadine Hack

Age represents stages of life that change with each decade – not the same for everyone, although there are some commonalities; not the same for women as for men, though there are similarities there too.

 For the massive Baby Boomer generation (those born from 1946-1964 and in 2026 now between 62-80 years old), this is the frontline of old age. Even if we live into our 80s, 90s and beyond, we’re now much closer to the end than the beginning, even the middle. So, I feel it’s an appropriate, indeed essential, time to evaluate our past and contemplate our present and whatever future may remain.

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 As a woman well into her 70s, I do this – not obsessively, but just naturally, instinctively, with aim of continuing to grow, better understand, appreciate and continue to heal myself, find new, necessary ways to be a mindful, active participant in a time so different from the century I was born into.

 One thing I know for sure: the cumulative years have given me a healthy, meaningful, useful measure of wisdom – and that is what ‘crone’ actually means: wisewoman. As a crone/wisdom hag who has had frequent participation in all forms of media, I feel an obligation to honor and promote crones who, in today’s youth-majority and youth-focused present have generally been rendered invisible.

 Don’t get me wrong: I love younger women’s creative forms of activism and I learn so much by listening to and working with them. I just hope they also can learn something from me.

Born and raised in a multi-generational working-class Brooklyn neighborhood, I am rooted in the liberal, activist, Jewish values that shaped my childhood, enormously influenced by my father (a lawyer), mother (a college professor) and especially my paternal grandparents – Bubby and Zaydi – especially my Bubby, my crone.

They escaped the poverty and dangers of pre-WWI Eastern Europe, traveling to America in the bowels of steamship steerage from their shtetl in Russia (now Ukraine) to build a new life in the New World. From my family I learned the values of charity, service, sharing, language, learning, cooperation, compassion, and the imperatives of fairness, equality, opportunity, respect, the true meaning of freedom and the key importance of diverse and deep relationships.

 An activist in the American civil rights and women’s rights movements of the 1960s, I became active in South Africa’s anti-apartheid struggle and other global human rights and liberation movements in the 1970s.

In concert with my husband, Jerry Dunfey, I’ve worked with Global Citizens Circle that he founded 52 years ago. GCC fosters constructive change in global and local communities by assembling diverse groups of concerned individuals, from world leaders to local activists, for honest civil conversations to forge resolution of Earth's most pressing concerns.

I’ve had the honor to work with widely diverse cultures and communities. As a result, I feel a sense of home and belonging everywhere I go. I’m lucky to have many young people in my life –a large extended family, circle of friends and colleagues. We enrich each other’s lives in numerous ways.

I’ve taught and lectured in universities worldwide, often conduct podcasts, speak at events, and write for assorted online and print publications. I’m working on a professional/personal memoir, The Power of Connectedness, with a foreword by the late Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Impressive, huh?

But there’s another side to this coin. From childhood through my teens when I left home, I was subjected to severely vile, traumatic experiences that left me in a sick mix of confusion, sub-zero self-esteem, self-destructive behavior, and delusions of both worthlessness and grandeur. It took two decades of intensive therapy and reflection to come to grips with my past, learn who I am and live in my truth. My situation is not unique.

I’ve never met a woman anywhere who hasn’t had to balance bad experience and behavior with good experience and behavior. This is where crone wisdom comes from. It also comes from what we had and what we’ve lost, often grievous loss, and how we did or didn’t recover from loss. It comes from the joys and challenges of families, partners and friends.

It’s greatly influenced by core factors like race, religion, politics, economics, education, work, health, responsibilities, and the cultures, communities and countries we live in. Whatever our experiences and circumstances, life itself is the ultimate teacher and with aging, hopefully, comes wisdom.

Many of today’s crones were raised by mothers who were exclusively homemakers – whether they liked it or not. Others were relegated to the professions deemed appropriate for them: teachers, nurses, secretaries. We’re often motivated to teach, nurture and serve because our capacity to produce life (whether we do or not) is what culture expects of and drives us towards.

But it's also true that seeing the limitations and demands our mothers faced inspired many Boomer women to forge the heyday of the second wave of the women's movement. Followed by women who were at the vanguard of third wave feminism and subsequent younger generations, we’ve created paradigm shifts. Despite current efforts to destroy the progress made, lots of glass ceilings remain shattered. But we face tremendous push back now to the strides we’ve made and must be ever vigilant.

At every age, and everywhere, women contend with issues that men don’t. Big ones include serious wage discrepancies (even worse for women of color); lack of deserved job promotions given to men much younger than us (often those we trained!); domestic abuse, an ‘equal opportunity crime’; and judged by our looks from the day we’re born ‘til the day we die. Conventionally beautiful women are praised for their looks – but it often results in their not being taken seriously in terms of intellect and professional capacity. As we age, these forces can be debilitating.

In the U.S. there are 73 million “solo seniors,” people with no living family, no local friends, no chummy neighbors; people who are completely alone and often isolated – and most of them are women. Some have pets or hobbies that help sustain them, but protracted solitude can become a mental and emotional disease. A key element of honoring the crone means younger people reaching out to solo seniors, assisting and spending time with them whenever possible.

Mark Twain famously said, “History may not repeat itself, but it rhymes.” The hateful, upside-down politics of the present certainly affirms this. But knowing the truth of the past and benefitting from learning and growing beyond it is also true. The crone is humanity’s best link to the fairly recent past.

And there are a lot of us around. Focusing on the U.S. for the moment and just mentioning a few: in media, Christiane Amanpour and Abby Phillips (predecessors, Ida B Wells and Nellie Bly); in politics Elizabeth Warren and Maxine Waters (predecessors, Shirley Chisholm and Geraldine Ferraro); in the arts, Joan Baez and Tracey Chapman.

They’re high-profile and get attention. The many, many others in organizations and communities around the world are largely invisible. That’s not good. Appreciate us. Listen to us. We have much to offer that should be received before we go. We promise to listen to you!

 Nadine Hack is a speaker, coach, trainer and author. https://bit.ly/35rRBOT; https://bit.ly/3RWfBQb ; ; https://www.facebook.com/nadinehack ; https://because.net. ; https://twitter.com/NadineHack; https://www.linkedin.com/in/nadinehack/