The Power of Perspective to Transform Conflict

Alice Shikina is a Mediator, Negotiation Coach, and Speaker.

By Alice Shikina

As a mediator, I meet people at some of the hardest moments of their lives. They arrive stuck, like two birds caught in a net, thrashing against the very thing holding them in place. My work is to loosen that net so they can fly again. Over the years, I have learned that I can only do that for others if I practice it on myself first.

When something upsets me, I use the same tools I bring into the mediation room. I look at the situation from every angle and search for the lens that causes the least pain. Then I choose the story I tell myself about what happened. Drinking my own medicine keeps me honest, and it keeps me steady when clients bring their fear and anger to the table.

My training as an actor taught me to read what people feel beneath their words, and I use that skill to make people feel safe enough to shift. Recently, a woman came to me for a free consultation. She had spent a year fighting with her sisters over who would care for their father as his dementia progressed, and she felt trapped in his house. I told her, “The relationship between your dad and your sisters belongs to them.” I watched the weight leave her shoulders. She realized she could move out the next day and handle each problem as it arrived.

Another client was furious about paying her ex-husband half of a house she had paid for herself. I reframed that payment as the price of her freedom. She cried, agreed, and still thanks me today.

A small change in perspective can change a whole life. I carry that belief into every room I enter, including my own.

Alice Shikina is a Mediator, Negotiation Coach, and Speaker. https://www.facebook.com/shikinamediation https://www.instagram.com/shikinamediation/ ; https://www.linkedin.com/in/aliceshikina/ http://www.shikinamediation.com