Cruella At Work: 5 Tips to Manage Your Mean Boss In Person
Emma Stone as Cruella De Vil in the new movie, “Cruella.” Image courtesy of Disney Films.
It was easier perhaps to compartmentalize the effects your mean boss had on you when you were in your remote home office and only had to interact visually a few hours a day.
You could press “leave meeting.” You could delay opening an email you were dreading. You could relish the fact you were in slippers and yoga pants and at any moment you could rush into the kitchen at whim, or even text a co-worker while a boss tantrum was in full bloom.
Read more in Take The Lead on handling a mean boss
But now that so many are heading back into day-to-day workplaces with physical proximity to their mean bosses, gearing up for the embodiment of Cruella De Vil at your workplace is more challenging.
And yes, while in its latest reiteration, Disney makes evil bossdom look visually and fashionably enticing—let your children see it!—the new narrative shows that the latest Cruella acts out because she has a bad boss, not that she is one.
The Conversation reports, that Cruella’s “fashion boss and mentor Baroness von Helman (Emma Thompson) advises Cruella not to care ‘about anyone or thing,’ providing a model of self-absorption and vanity for emulation.”
No matter who is dishing out the meanness, the result is stress and discomfort, virtual or in person. And in-person, the workplace meanness may be harder to dodge.
“No matter who is dishing out the #workplace meanness, the result is stress and discomfort, virtual or in person. And #inperson, the meanness may be harder to dodge. ”
“Several of the nation’s largest companies have announced that, between May and September, they’ll begin asking employees to work in person at least some of the time. In a survey conducted late last year, three-quarters of executives said they expected their offices to operate at 50 percent capacity by July,” The Atlantic reports.
A new study from the Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health shows, “A toxic workplace environment, however, is a climate factor that demolishes a person’s sense of security and, thus, is bound to have a negative impact on well-being. A toxic workplace environment is defined by narcissistic behavior; offensive, and aggressive leadership; threatening behavior from managers and co-workers; and harassment, bullying, and ostracism.”
Your mean boss can express or demonstrate one or all of these bad behaviors; knowing that they indeed are real and indeed affect you, can offer impetus to deal with them, and not ignore their impact. And you have strategies to cope, deflect and hopefully report the incidents to end the meanness.
In her new book, The Other Black Girl, author Zakiya Dalila Harris writes about workplace racism, microaggressions and what it is like to have terrible co-workers and unsupportive bosses in this fictional thriller.
She tells Esquire about her own real-life experience with a bad boss: “When I first moved to New York, I worked a toxic job with a controlling boss. This wasn’t in publishing; it was another industry. I rode the train into work every day feeling dread and unhappiness.”
Her own creativity was her refuge, and she put her energy into writing this book.
While so many have endured toxic behavior at work for many different reasons—need the job, need the income, need the insurance, love the work, believe in the mission—it is critical to note that over time, cruel and unusual behavior by bosses can deleteriously affect health.
“While so many have endured #toxic behavior in the #workplace for many different reasons, it is critical to note that over time, cruel and unusual behavior by bosses can deleteriously affect health. #stress #anxiety”
“It can be devastating. It affects self-esteem. It can cause depression and anxiety and a lot of confusion because often they have trusted the person and then some line gets crossed. It’s very hard for people in this position to know how to trust. People can become suicidal. Or they will start catastrophizing and feeling like their career could be over because somebody has power over them. They can often feel quite paralyzed,” Jeff Blume, a licensed psychologist based in Beverly Hills, tells The Hollywood Reporter.
Read more in Take The Lead on difficult bosses
Harvard University's Barbara Kellerman of the Center for Public Leadership concurs and tells Fronteras, “There is evidence that a bad boss can be really bad for your health. And I would say that if you are in a situation, you're in a workplace, where your boss is really giving you high stress and there is nothing internally you can do about it, you might want to consider changing jobs.”
When that is not possible, mitigating the vile behavior and attempting to reroute its impact is possible. Here are five tips to changing the impact of and hopefully eliminating the toxic behaviors of mean bosses.
Redirect the narcissism. If you have a manager, supervisor or department head who always makes every conversation about them, then you know how this goes. No matter what the topic, there is always a response that lacks empathy, respect and what feels like emotional intelligence. It can be a one-upping, or a tale of how the person endured so much more and met with such great success. It is tone deaf, but quite common. You can simply say, “That is interesting, but we are talking about xxx.” Eventually they will hear you— hopefully.
“Redirect the #narcissism. If you have a manager, supervisor or department head who always makes every conversation about them, you can simply say, “That is interesting, but we are talking about xxx.” Eventually they will hear you— hopefully. #toxicwork”
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Do not be silent. Silence is a permission slip for mean bosses to keep up the unfathomably biased comments that are microaggressions—or macroaggressions—on race, gender, size, appearance, orientation, religion, background, family, education or any aspect of an individual’s identity. Sometimes a long pause after a microaggression, followed by repeating the phrase out loud to the boss, and then saying simply, “That is not OK. Do not say that to me,” can work. Of course, the ill intention may be denied and dismissed, but speak up and document the conversation.
“Do not be silent. Silence is a permission slip for mean bosses to keep up the unfathomably biased comments that are #microaggressions. #speakup #leadership”
Read more in Take The Lead on difficult coworkers
Shine light on gaslighting. Rewriting history and erasing what has happened—even if it is your participation in a project or what was said in a meeting—is a common practice of bad bosses. You know what you know. This is also why documentation is key. Take notes in meetings. Save emails. When a boss says something did not happen when you know it did, have the evidence ready to display. Document every encounter. Gear Hungry HR director Danielle Blaire tells Metro, “Here’s where documenting what’s happening is essential. ‘Keep a diary of situations that you feel are toxic. If you have evidence that aligns with each diary entry, such as email chains, file them also.’”
“Shine light on #gaslighting. Rewriting history and erasing what has happened—even if it is your participation in a project or what was said in a meeting—is a common practice of bad bosses. #toxicpeople”
Share your experiences. Connect with colleagues to see if they have similar experiences. If not, this can also be a case of you being singled out for a reason, and that is highly problematic. Do not ignore the targeting, tell higher ups rather than the boss if possible, go to a board member or a human resources person. If others have similar experiences, ask for a meeting with the boss, all with documented evidence and a distinct ask that this kind of behavior and treatment of you change. Understand this is not easy. Harvard Business Review reports, “While it is absolutely essential for women to support and lift each other up, research shows that women who do make it to the top still have to overcome biased stereotypes to stay there, or are pressured to conform, which can make it difficult to speak out and be heard.” But do speak out.
“Share your experiences. Connect with #colleagues to see if they have similar experiences. If not, this can also be a case of you being singled out for a reason, and that is highly problematic. #emotionalabuse #workplace ”
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Compliment them and differentiate yourself. It may be the case that an unkind boss who puts you or your coworkers down feels slighted by you and does not feel confident in themselves. Do not compare yourself to your boss, acknowledge their accomplishments and show not that you are better, but that your great work complements theirs. Lawrese Brown, the founder of C-Track Training, a workplace education company, said bad bosses who used to be star performers “are following the script of ‘I do my job really well,’ but they don’t realize that their job has changed and they have to change, too,” according to Huffington Post.
“Compliment them and differentiate yourself. It may be the case that an unkind boss who puts you or your coworkers down feels slighted by you and does not feel confident in themselves. #employeeexperience #changeagent”
Advocate for DEI. Express often that a more diverse, equitable and inclusive culture will improve the day-to-day encounters as well as the productivity of any team. Joyce Kim, chief marketing officer for Genesys writes in Fast Company, “As an Asian woman in a leadership position, I was surprised to learn that my career progression is rare. Asian Americans are the least likely group to be promoted to leadership roles. Additionally, even in fields where Asian Americans are disproportionately represented, they comprise a smaller percentage of upper management and board positions and have less income equity. To change these bogus and outdated power dynamics, we believe the answer is to get more women in leadership roles, in boardrooms, and in the C-suite.”
“Advocate for #DEI. Express often that a more diverse, equitable and inclusive culture will improve the day-to-day encounters as well as the productivity of any team. #transformation #leadchange”
Leave if you must, but research the next boss. If your boss is literally making you sick, you may have to go out the door. According to Fedweek, “There is no perfect solution to a bad boss but having one doesn’t have to ruin your career. If you do need to leave your job, do not bad mouth your boss on the way out. Be sure to do your due diligence about future organizations and bosses during your search. You don’t want to end up in another untenable situation.”
Read more in Take The Lead on how to know if you are difficult at work
What you want to do is work in a culture where everyone feels valued, even the toxic boss, who hopefully modifies their leadership ways when you strategize with these tools.
“What you want to do is work in a culture where everyone feels valued, even the #toxic #boss, who hopefully modifies their leadership ways when you strategize with these tools. #transformation #workplace”
Researchers in the Journal conclude, “When an organization works for the well-being of the workers, it reduces the toxic workplace environment and brings sustainability to organizational performance. Organizational support also increases employee engagement with the work as well as with the organization.”
